Chapter 25: Triumphant, but at what cost?

This was the last tale of Lia in my life, who had shaken everything up so much so, that this little narrative that my life was, had turned into a yarn. Tangled, and meshed.

A final e-mail was in store.

“Dear Lia, on one hand it was a joy ride meeting you, and on the other, there were truths I wasn’t ready to see yet. I leave you with this final page of the book that my life has been with you, and just hope that you would remember me with a smile as I have always remembered you, and will do so for the rest of the time to come.

I love you, accept it or not. I won’t be writing to you after this. But I’ll always remember you. There have been many but this will be my last poem to you…

When I’d pout my lips out,

to stop you from going to class..

you'd just look at me and mess my hair,

you looked like the prettiest lass…

when you'd hold my hand anywhere,

yes it made me go bit way too crazy…

but now when I look back at it all,

the tears make it all look hazy.

'cause I didn't just lose another friend in the world

I lost the whole world to this friend…

to the only person I'd die for..

for whom my love knew no end.

walking down every road, I felt like walking down the aisle..

with her every kiss and every hug, I knew I could go another mile…

Hope you like it. Take loads of care…”

A bit of hesitation, but I had done what terrorized me for so long, and it was a burden off of the chest.

And a few seconds later what followed was anxiety and chaos of telling Lia I don’t need her in my life now and I have learnt to live without her. Who in their right mind would do that!! And more importantly, what now?!

As the mind rolled back to plot a new strategy, what happened was nothing short of a miracle.

Never had a phone ring seemed like passage pf heavens,  teleporting me to another world before today when the screen showed “LIA CALLING”.

Having my own doubts, it was only wise to come back to reality.

“I’m near your home. Meet me downstairs in ten.” She said, and cut the call.

Yes. Like earlier I was living in a perfect world with no confusion in my head.

“Hi.” I said, looking at her.

“You’re smiling.” She had noticed almost immediately.

“You are noticing that now? Anyway, what happened?” I asked, trying to be calm as we sat down.

“I have never feared losing anyone this much as I did today. All this while maybe you were just trying to show me your love, but you were there around me. But then that mail hurt me, thinking you’d not be around anymore. Suraj, I have never seen you this dedicated to any cause. I really must mean a lot to you and you proved that to me. Suraj I’ve said this earlier and this fact hasn’t changed no matter how much our equations have changed. I have never loved anyone more than I love you. But you still really love me?  I know some things that happened hurt you. But how come you are still here by my side? How did you get this faith back when I thought we both lost it long ago? Why do you still love me?”

I had to cease this moment. This was by far the closest I had been to finding happiness since a long time now. I had earned this chance and I could not throw it away. My answer had to be my heart served on a plate.

“Why do I love you? Lia… I love you not for what you make me be, but because I never have to worry what or how I am when I am with you. A simple look at you makes me feel safe, knowing that someone’s there to fix my fuck ups and she doesn’t fail. And when I see you walk with me in the gloomy evening after a drizzle, the evening is not gloomy anymore. And when you just tell me that today after many days we’d meet, my day’s already made! When you walk on those wet roads over the fallen flowers and petals, I don’t see how you’d be anything less than a princess. We walked on those streets two years back, listening to that one song over and over again, with that one building coming up, and saying we’d buy a home here. Now that building stands tall and all I can tell it is that don’t worry, story’s not over yet. And I still can’t get enough of that song. Two years and memories of that day don’t fade. I love you Lia, because you and only you are that one girl who is so pretty and yet when I see you I don’t wanna sleep with you. I wanna wake up next to you for the rest of the days of my life. If that’s not going to happen then I wish nothing but my breath to cease right now. Cause then there’s no more happiness left in my future if you are not my future. I love you more every single day. I never took you for granted, I was just tired of our fights at times. And I am sorry I thought of just myself then. And I can’t give up on you. I know I threw away a diamond for a few pieces of rocks, but I hope I wasn’t too late to realize. And if I was, then all this… this was all I could do to make up for it. I love you Lia… and I love you to death, because whenever you kept your head on my shoulders I swear I could see every single person reeking of jealousy and I could not care less for them, and yet feel proud of what I have. If the sea has many more fishes then I got the mermaid and I couldn’t trade that for a place in heaven. I love you because even a thought of my lips setting on yours is enough to light up my day. I love you Lia because I haven’t felt this in a long time, the way I feel like a good boy with you. I don’t wanna mess it up, even if I do get a chance… you are one of the only girls whom I’d not want to kiss first, but hold hands on a long walk and hope those older couples still see us as that one couple who indeed is special. And the fact that just listening to this makes you smile, the past, is the reason I can’t give up on you. I know Lia I have screwed things up a lot, but if there was any chance I could fix it, and I hope with all my heart that there is, then I would bet my life on it that I am going to do anything possible to get you back in my life, that I would make you mine. Because if we are done here, then I swear to God that nothing would help me move on from a dead life, but you. Just because I love you Lia.” I said what all I had been holding inside. With her hands held in mine, it felt lighter. I felt lively.

Yes she had given me pain, and yes she was as much to blame as I was now, but I loved her more than I ever could love anyone else. And I was too stubborn to let this one go unlike anything else that I never tried to stop from leaving me.

I knew I had a rose in my hand. The most beautiful rose in all of eternity. I could not drop that pink bliss just because the thorns were pricking me. But what about when those same thorns were piercing every inch deep into my skin?

The love that had me driven till here in the first place was now the very reason for a pain nothing like ever felt before.

But right now, I had put all I had in me to get her back. I was done with being sorry and asking for forgiveness for a long time to come now. I was tormented every second I had been away from her. But there’s nothing more that I could do then what had already been done.

Lacking any strength to look in her eyes, or to even look at her I sat there, my face away from hers. I had no courage to look at her walking out on me once more.

But she didn’t.

With her hand slowly clasping mine, I looked at her. Eyes red with tears, she looked at me in utmost awe, and I in utmost faith.

“I love you Suraj.” She said, just about in tears now.

And this one time, I forgot my words yet again.

All the wounds that were left open now would be treated by my little doctor… my sweet medicine… my Lia.

“I love you too Lia.” I said, with nothing but a smile of satisfaction on my face.

She was mine.