Chapter 20: What went around, came around. Right in the face!

My life had thrown me back to that monotonous routine that I had been following till the day I met Lia. But no one else was to blame. It was I who had left no stone unturned to wreck things apart.

All the expectations were now down the drain, and getting Lia back seemed harder than I imagined. But giving up on her wasn’t an option.

Seeing her every morning get in the bus, and every evening getting down was now a routine that was religiously followed with utmost stealth.

Each day that the messages were not replied to, and every day that the calls were left unanswered, a spear in the heart kept making its way deeper, creating a bigger hole in my life that got wider each time I realized she was not there, with me, for me.

It wasn’t uncommon now, finding me standing alone, quiet, next to the windows which witnessed beautiful sunsets and breathtaking views. Sitting there was a way of finding myself closer to Lia, thinking all the times we shared gazing out, ready to win the world together.

Morning sky, with a little mist and dew on flower petals was now not anything romantic, but just cold dry weather and wet flowers.

George and Janette had always been more than friends. They were in a way my spirit guides who were lost in their own world, untraceable the whole time, but came just when needed.

“Dude, she’s seeing someone else. Some guy from one of her workshops. I’m not sure if they are dating, but something certainly is cooking between those two.” George told, looking me right in the eye.

“Yeah, its Rohit isn’t it?” I asked, to which both of them replied with a confirmative nod.

Last time I spoke, they were friends who shared the love of bikes. Now they were allegedly going out? Was it really happening?

Eventually giving in to hundreds of messages and calls and e-mails, Lia decided it was for the best to meet up.

Walking along the same route, with my hands in my pocket just to prevent myself from making any wrong judgments, I had once again forgotten all I had to say. Befuddled with her beauty, I could barely manage a few necessary formalities of any conversation.

Lia however, was in no mood of getting bowled over by any sort of adorable acts.

The words that once made her say “you leave me stumped” to express all her feelings for me in one single line, now left her feeling irritable.

“What is it Suraj? Trust me I’m getting late. It’s getting dark. I have to get home.” Lia said.

“You never got late when we used to go out for evening snacks and chaats?” I said.

“This is why you’ve been asking me to meet you?” she followed with another blunt line.

“Okay. Lia, please give me another chance.” I said, keeping it short and forthright.

“No.” she said.

Soon after, she walked home leaving me with nothing behind to hold on to.

I missed my love. The one I had proposed to in a church, and said the marriage vows that I knew of, holding her hand in front of a temple.

••

Days passed at their own pace, and I still wasn’t used to feeling out of place. Seeing Lia and Rohit posing together for photos was nothing short of soul shattering, and the news of the two hanging out at the City mall was not really joyful either.

That was our home! How could she do that?

All my friends telling me ‘All will be fine, just give it time’ and ‘Move on’ wasn’t ingesting the faith of not facing anymore pain, into me. It wasn’t because they were wrong. It was because I was too stubborn to accept the reality.

No! I could not ‘Move On’! I wasn’t stupid to let go of the love of my life. And also, nothing felt even a bit close to being fine even as time went by.

Days passed at a speed that made me realize why sloth was one of the seven sins.

Each day that followed seemed like a walk on the fire, as the pain was not just causing a heartache that exponentially increased, but the unreciprocated love had left me in agonizing chronic backache, and any thought of Lia, or cursing myself for not having her by my side wasn’t helping the cause.

Every single call to her told me that she was talking to someone else. For hours, day in and day out, she was talking to someone else.

Love makes you blind. And truly so. As they say, you can’t clap with one hand, a relation never goes awry because of one person’s fault. It’s about owning all the fault and moving ahead that counts.

Lia had been a wonderful partner no doubt. But she too was only human. But saying that she too was equally at fault although, left me outraged and offended.

I was being forced into solitude, and forced to love it. The one compelling me to do so was however, me.

Each passing day was painful. And facing the anguish on day to day basis wasn’t making me strong.

While all this was going on, my yearlong break had now to an end. I had resumed college now, after a long gap of a year, and being surrounded with strangers was not an opportunity to make friends. It was time to leave the ones I already had.

I wanted to be alone.

Being known as someone who could take a lot of beatings, I too did not want to tarnish my image in front of friends and acquaintances. Thus, sitting alongside the driver in the bus was not so that I don’t hurt my back. It was so that no one else could know of the silent tears that seemed unstoppable on a few occasions.

I was giving up. I knew what I had done with Soundarya was wrong. But the punishment was severe enough.

But the final nail in the coffin was to be hammered yet.