Chapter 32: End of a chapter is not the end of the book...

Yes. That’s where it ended… the chapter of Lia.

George had freed me from my conscious. When the day dawned, there were no regrets. No tears or cuss even, for the one that got away.

I knew in this moment I wasn’t loving Lia all this while to pursue her. It was the guilt set in of not being by her side. But she had made good decisions for herself, whatever she chose.

It was a new morning for me. Relentlessly calm, tranquil yet raucous. I could be anyone. Anything from here on.

And yes. Lia was a closed chapter. My book, was however far from over. The story goes on, in search of a life worth living, making every day, every moment historic.

I was an image now, of a philanderer, shadows of the past clinging on for the world to see. But the change had been set in motion now.

I wasn’t the same anymore. No one could be. Time swiped all the pain in its tides, taking along with it ways to fill that gaping hole, leaving me with just reasons to look ahead.

To live, to love, to find the one, the one whom there is none better than.

Signing off folks…

Chapter 31: And so it happened

Opposite of love isn’t hatred, but indifference. For a simple reason too. You love someone, your days go in thinking about that one person. You hate someone, and time flies by, despising them. In either ways, doorway to our world is shut to everyone else.

A smile is powerful. Realizing that upon losing mine, it was a lesson well learnt.

Although too soon to say that I was happy, it was a start, for an effort to not put myself down anymore.

Several failed attempts and I had chosen wisely to not give up and keep trying.

Curtains were slowly drawing on this story of Lia. But yet, they weren’t just about closing!

Pivotal points of life are crucial in just our heads more often than not. And I was, for now past all those crucial make it or break it situations.

I needed a break. And life was just seeming to get back to normal.

No I would never forget Lia. She was that person who paused time for me by doing nothing more than simply walking by my side. She also was the one who made me wish I was dead. No I would never forget her, but that doesn’t mean I’d love her forever.

Although, no hope, a feeling lot like love still had its place in my heart which was slowly but surely diminishing by the day. Nevertheless, at this moment, it was still there, the light, flickering but not extinguished.

••

Starting to enjoy company of friends, the outings were more common than they ever had been since years now. What was not common was what was to happen.

An evening like any other, the tides were turning into my favor now, when I opened the door to the bell rung by someone talking to whom had been next to rare since the ‘final breakup’ with Lia.

George.

Why do we let the end of one relation end all the ones that had strings connected with the one gone sour? Because more often than naught they remind us of a world of pain which was hard enough to get out off to begin with. These ties could pull you right back in the time warp. Or so I feared.

“Hi George. Long time! How have you been?”

“I am doing just fine buddy. How are you? Jeanette and I were bothered about you.”

“Why?”

“Well you were the one deeper in love” Janette chipped in.

“Nah. Those are things of the past. So how are you both doing? And hey how’s Lia?”

Their eyes back to that blasé gaze.

“Don’t worry I’m not in love with her. It was she who turned her back to love. The one who broke all faiths this time” I said, hoping I don’t flow in the emotions.

“You got that right... All faiths.” Dejected, George replied.

“What do you mean?”

“No nothing. You really wanted this to work out. Didn’t you?”  Asked George.

“Nope. That’s what we wanted. That’s why I making out with Soundarya didn’t faze her confidence in me, and her kissing Rohit was barely a concern to me.”

“They did more than just kiss you know” he murmured.

“Doesn’t matter!” I snapped back. The way I had when Rohit spoke of her this way.

“It does Suraj! She didn’t just break your faith. She battered ours as well! You think she’s single now? You think so buddy? No. She’s with someone else now. And that someone is the one nemesis I’ve ever had. She knew of it since day one of our friendship. And she won’t tell us. I read her messages call it luck or the other way around. I wouldn’t tell you what those messages were or sleep would delude you. All I can however say is that those messages were not of friendships.”

My heart beat sinking, my fingers intertwined hard enough to break each other now, I gestured Jeanette to not stop George.

“Yes Suraj. She is sleeping with someone else. And she too is way past this "Relationships" stuff. What does it tell you?”

This wasn’t unreal. I was smiling, and there were no tears. This was happening. George in his boyish way had given me an elixir for life, another shot at it.

Chapter 30: Living out of the flashback... Now, Living.

Aleena sat there, all this while, listening to my story.

We had just spoken for a good seven hours straight, and mall was nearing its closing time now. Well, I had done the speaking part more.

Her eyes wet, my throat choking, all the tries to have a determined face went straight out of the window just as she held my hand.

There was just one thing left to be done here. I was done apologizing to the people who did not care for one. Aleena did, and that’s what she got.

“Aleena… I’m sorry I wasn’t in touch with you all this time. And I’m sorry that I spoke to you rudely, telling you things of all sorts like I’ve found someone I can love more than you. I’m not sorry I was in love, and not at all sorry that I was, with her. She gave me a lesson I would not give up for my life. Yet I’m sorry I let you go. You were really someone I wish I had held on to. I loved you beyond crazy, and you knew me more than many of the people I have around me all the while. And yet we were just friends and that never hurt. I’m sorry for all the time I might have hurt you. Yes you never seem to be hurt by anything I do, and I never felt like a part of your life, but you were, of mine. And you made it easy to live through it all. Two years of my horrible jokes, you never gave up, neither on them, nor on me. And I gave up on you when you did not call for a few months. Maybe that was only for the reason I felt you did not need me ever, or rather not at all anymore. Yes at times you do make me feel that things that I do don’t matter to you at all, but the next moment you make me feel wanted yet again.

Aleena you asked me why I did not call you when I went through all this. The reason was simple. I did not have you around when I had all the happiness in the world to share. I did not deserve you around when all I had was just sorrow and pain. I’m sorry for both.”

“I’ll be by your side now Suraj.” Aleena said, giving me another tight hug.

I knew I had my once upon a time best friend back with me. Maybe this was luck shining back on my side.

Chapter 29: It... Is over Lia.

As if the pain of the first breakup wasn’t bad enough, second breakup, with the same girl!

It wasn’t that long that we once again were repeating the same drama.

Her avoiding me, and I being bad with clues as always.

“Hey! I thought we were going to stay friends. Are you really that busy again?” I said over the phone.

“Yes. Sorry I got to go.” She said hanging up

Only this time, I gave up trying in just a matter of eight or nine days, the days it took to figure out what was going on, or rather for choking the faith that was choking me up until now

Living life with my pack of weed and bottle of beer, I knew the only way out was to move on.

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Chapter 28 : What is meant to be, would be...

“Dude! Come over! And bring Lia as well.”

This was George. And those were the only words spoken between me answering his call, and him hanging up.

“Well, we know what he’s planning to do.” Lia said, winking.

Things had started getting better, and the romance was rekindling.

“Well, you want to go?” I asked Lia.

“It’s up to you.”  She said, smiling.

She was still mine. Every part of her was mine, her body to her soul, it belonged to me. Mine did to hers too and of that she had no doubt. What we both did with other people in the interval of the story wasn’t of much significance.

I still could not resist her, and that’s what that mattered.

George on the other hand was having a hard time to access the treasure box Janette was holding aback. The guy had no clue how to approach a girl! You don't 'ta-da' your love interest with certain things and that was hard for him to understand. 

••

Two dates, and five days later, the count to ‘I can’t do this anymore. I want to breakup’ had reached seven. And a few weeks later, ten.

“Well, if that’s what you want.” I said, giving up. Finally.

“But this time I promise we’d stay friends Suraj.”

Well we’ll see about that, I said to myself.

Chapter 27: The call of the nemesis

“Suraj, I know I didn’t show it that day, but that letter really hurt me.” Lia said, gazing in my eyes.

"I know” I said, looking at her with nothing but that usual smile.

“Tell me how would you have felt if I had done something like that? Would you have forgiven me?” She asked, seeming more hurt than I would have thought.

“I would have Lia. I think I have proven to you how much I love you. Such a thing would have been big, but sooner or later, I would have.” I said, meaning it.

Would I really forget it? Or were those just hollow words?

If thatwas the only thing left of me, unproven, then the testing time had me prove that as well.

Rohit’s Call

Rohit: Hi, Suraj?

Suraj: Yeah hi Rohit.

Rohit: So, I heard you’re back with Lia? Man that’s a gutsy move!

Suraj: Yeah? Why do you say so?

Rohit: Well, the day you called me, agree or not, you were begging me. I did tell her that day that you really loved her.
Suraj: I know. She told me that.

Rohit: So you’re back with her? As simple as that? In a month I had her. You have no clue what all happened between us, do you?

Suraj: You had her for a month or so when things between us went awry, and I have her back. I fail to see how anything else matters.

Rohit: Listen… you’re a nice guy. Let me tell you this. Think again before moving any more forward.

Suraj: Umm, why are you telling me this? I trust Lia with my life. I told you nothing else matters to me.

Rohit: Not even if I told you somethings close to sleeping together happened between me and your girlfriend?

Suraj: I appreciate your concern in my life, but it’s not required. Thanks for calling. Hey do me a favor. Never call me again.

Rohit: Your grave your wish. Bye

Suraj: Yeah. Bye.

Chapter 26: Glides and Bumps... yet again

I had just played the other side of the cassette. Yet I was hoping for the same music… the same story. But could that be?

It had been a few days now that I had my love back in my life, and slowly, steadily, things had started to settle back to normal. And they were anything but normal.

When two people are in love, nothing can be a hindrance.

••

A new day, a new beginning. With nothing to make me weak any more, I walked out of the doors of my house, to meet the only girl who could.

New shades and a crisp brand new shirt paired with blue jeans, I was all ready to go on the second ‘first date’ with Lia.

“Okay, so where are we headed to?” Lia asked, seeming as excited as I was.

“It’s always been you who decided that.” I said, with a smile that came up just by looking at her face.

I wanted to get past the horror that my days had been up until recently, and I had succeeded. All I could still see was her beauty.

‘Okay now, I had a chance to be with an amazing girl and I blew it the first time. This time, I can’t screw it up’ I started living, reminding myself the same thing over and over. My priorities were clearer.

“Well, there’s this new place I’ve heard of. Let’s go there.” Lia said with a smile.

“Sure” I replied, still smiling.

Well the smile was due to Lia, but undoubtedly due to the weed as well. And she didn’t need to know about that.

She hated smokers, and now I was one. She had everything but the rights to tell me what’s right and what’s wrong now.

Something told me she still had more than what she should have gotten.

But she was past the hatred, and I never did anything less than loving her with all my heart. And we were giving this a real shot this time.

“You ride.” She said, handing me the keys of her bike.

“No, you do it.” I said, and with a smile she understood why I told her to do that.

We were getting together, not getting back at each other this time. She doesn’t like sitting behind, she won’t. It was that simple.

Reaching our destination, we made our way to the closest cafeteria. Surrounded by glass walls cutting all the blatant and ugly traffic noise, with sunlight falling right on our table, we sat in just the right place to do the talk.

Hungry for love, hungrier for food, I made sure my getting food from the counter was as swift as possible.

And it was. Except when I came back, there she was, with her laptop in front of her.

“You know, I thought we could talk.” I said.

“I know, but I really need to finish this presentation Suraj… give me a minute.”

Isn’t that the husband after the marriage? Busy all the time with a nagging wife?

“It’s okay. Finish it.” I said, not wanting to be that same nagging wife.

Soon enough she was done, as she said, “Tell me now, I am all yours.”

The day went great. It had been long now since I learnt that expectations are the villainous buds that make any relation crack and grow apart. That too was a reason of this being a great day.

It hadn’t been long since we were back, and it happened.

“I don’t think it’ll work out. I want to breakup.” Lia said, after the first quarrel.

“You want to breakup after a quarrel? We glided through the worst fights. Don’t worry baby. We’ll make it through. I have faith in us.” I said with an unshakable faith.

A few days that followed were not too different. Her saying she wanted to breakup, and I telling her that no matter what happens I’d stay by her side had now happened thrice in just a fortnight.

But I knew she loved me. Once when I did agree to breakup, she was in tears. She didn’t want to breakup and I knew it.

Soon after, she confessed that she had kissed Rohit once… “Just once when I met him near his college” She said.

But that could barely hurt. Her actions, to me were justified.

And we were yet again back on the right track.

••

After a long day at college, followed by hours of texting and talking to Lia, time spent today seemed fruitful.

The day had left me exhausted, and in a matter of minutes of reaching home, I was blinking already.

My nap was broken by something that confused me into thinking this was a dream.

My cell displayed a number that had given me nightmares. I didn’t have to save it to remember it.

It was Rohit’s call.

Chapter 25: Triumphant, but at what cost?

This was the last tale of Lia in my life, who had shaken everything up so much so, that this little narrative that my life was, had turned into a yarn. Tangled, and meshed.

A final e-mail was in store.

“Dear Lia, on one hand it was a joy ride meeting you, and on the other, there were truths I wasn’t ready to see yet. I leave you with this final page of the book that my life has been with you, and just hope that you would remember me with a smile as I have always remembered you, and will do so for the rest of the time to come.

I love you, accept it or not. I won’t be writing to you after this. But I’ll always remember you. There have been many but this will be my last poem to you…

When I’d pout my lips out,

to stop you from going to class..

you'd just look at me and mess my hair,

you looked like the prettiest lass…

when you'd hold my hand anywhere,

yes it made me go bit way too crazy…

but now when I look back at it all,

the tears make it all look hazy.

'cause I didn't just lose another friend in the world

I lost the whole world to this friend…

to the only person I'd die for..

for whom my love knew no end.

walking down every road, I felt like walking down the aisle..

with her every kiss and every hug, I knew I could go another mile…

Hope you like it. Take loads of care…”

A bit of hesitation, but I had done what terrorized me for so long, and it was a burden off of the chest.

And a few seconds later what followed was anxiety and chaos of telling Lia I don’t need her in my life now and I have learnt to live without her. Who in their right mind would do that!! And more importantly, what now?!

As the mind rolled back to plot a new strategy, what happened was nothing short of a miracle.

Never had a phone ring seemed like passage pf heavens,  teleporting me to another world before today when the screen showed “LIA CALLING”.

Having my own doubts, it was only wise to come back to reality.

“I’m near your home. Meet me downstairs in ten.” She said, and cut the call.

Yes. Like earlier I was living in a perfect world with no confusion in my head.

“Hi.” I said, looking at her.

“You’re smiling.” She had noticed almost immediately.

“You are noticing that now? Anyway, what happened?” I asked, trying to be calm as we sat down.

“I have never feared losing anyone this much as I did today. All this while maybe you were just trying to show me your love, but you were there around me. But then that mail hurt me, thinking you’d not be around anymore. Suraj, I have never seen you this dedicated to any cause. I really must mean a lot to you and you proved that to me. Suraj I’ve said this earlier and this fact hasn’t changed no matter how much our equations have changed. I have never loved anyone more than I love you. But you still really love me?  I know some things that happened hurt you. But how come you are still here by my side? How did you get this faith back when I thought we both lost it long ago? Why do you still love me?”

I had to cease this moment. This was by far the closest I had been to finding happiness since a long time now. I had earned this chance and I could not throw it away. My answer had to be my heart served on a plate.

“Why do I love you? Lia… I love you not for what you make me be, but because I never have to worry what or how I am when I am with you. A simple look at you makes me feel safe, knowing that someone’s there to fix my fuck ups and she doesn’t fail. And when I see you walk with me in the gloomy evening after a drizzle, the evening is not gloomy anymore. And when you just tell me that today after many days we’d meet, my day’s already made! When you walk on those wet roads over the fallen flowers and petals, I don’t see how you’d be anything less than a princess. We walked on those streets two years back, listening to that one song over and over again, with that one building coming up, and saying we’d buy a home here. Now that building stands tall and all I can tell it is that don’t worry, story’s not over yet. And I still can’t get enough of that song. Two years and memories of that day don’t fade. I love you Lia, because you and only you are that one girl who is so pretty and yet when I see you I don’t wanna sleep with you. I wanna wake up next to you for the rest of the days of my life. If that’s not going to happen then I wish nothing but my breath to cease right now. Cause then there’s no more happiness left in my future if you are not my future. I love you more every single day. I never took you for granted, I was just tired of our fights at times. And I am sorry I thought of just myself then. And I can’t give up on you. I know I threw away a diamond for a few pieces of rocks, but I hope I wasn’t too late to realize. And if I was, then all this… this was all I could do to make up for it. I love you Lia… and I love you to death, because whenever you kept your head on my shoulders I swear I could see every single person reeking of jealousy and I could not care less for them, and yet feel proud of what I have. If the sea has many more fishes then I got the mermaid and I couldn’t trade that for a place in heaven. I love you because even a thought of my lips setting on yours is enough to light up my day. I love you Lia because I haven’t felt this in a long time, the way I feel like a good boy with you. I don’t wanna mess it up, even if I do get a chance… you are one of the only girls whom I’d not want to kiss first, but hold hands on a long walk and hope those older couples still see us as that one couple who indeed is special. And the fact that just listening to this makes you smile, the past, is the reason I can’t give up on you. I know Lia I have screwed things up a lot, but if there was any chance I could fix it, and I hope with all my heart that there is, then I would bet my life on it that I am going to do anything possible to get you back in my life, that I would make you mine. Because if we are done here, then I swear to God that nothing would help me move on from a dead life, but you. Just because I love you Lia.” I said what all I had been holding inside. With her hands held in mine, it felt lighter. I felt lively.

Yes she had given me pain, and yes she was as much to blame as I was now, but I loved her more than I ever could love anyone else. And I was too stubborn to let this one go unlike anything else that I never tried to stop from leaving me.

I knew I had a rose in my hand. The most beautiful rose in all of eternity. I could not drop that pink bliss just because the thorns were pricking me. But what about when those same thorns were piercing every inch deep into my skin?

The love that had me driven till here in the first place was now the very reason for a pain nothing like ever felt before.

But right now, I had put all I had in me to get her back. I was done with being sorry and asking for forgiveness for a long time to come now. I was tormented every second I had been away from her. But there’s nothing more that I could do then what had already been done.

Lacking any strength to look in her eyes, or to even look at her I sat there, my face away from hers. I had no courage to look at her walking out on me once more.

But she didn’t.

With her hand slowly clasping mine, I looked at her. Eyes red with tears, she looked at me in utmost awe, and I in utmost faith.

“I love you Suraj.” She said, just about in tears now.

And this one time, I forgot my words yet again.

All the wounds that were left open now would be treated by my little doctor… my sweet medicine… my Lia.

“I love you too Lia.” I said, with nothing but a smile of satisfaction on my face.

She was mine.

Chapter 24: And that's the last bit of pride...

A few days of keeping all ideas to get Lia back afar was just to come back with better ones. Nonetheless, it kept me from closing in to an imminent nervous breakdown.

“Hi” I said over the phone.

It had been days now since that dreadful day, and the strength that had till now kept me going, revitalized back to its full potential.

I still wasn’t bowing to fate, accepting what had happened, and moving ahead. But why? Of that I had no clue. There was just a goal ahead, and no path leading back now. I had come too far, taken too much to give up now.

“Hi, how are you?” replied Lia, her voice softer than her usual now pitch.

“I’m doing well. Hey Lia, do you mind if I talk to Rohit once?” I asked.

A possible outburst was a potential risk, but failing to see how things could be any worse, I decided to take my chances anyway.

“Yeah sure.” She said.

Well I didn’t expect that to happen so quickly. But then, I hadn’t expected a lot many things that should have been considered.

“Hi, Rohit?” I said, not sure what would follow.

“Hi, whose this?” he said

Oh common. I know Lia has told you I would be calling you. I know she would have done that.

“This is Suraj here.” Yet, there are formalities to be followed.

“Okay, what do you want?” he asked.

Okay so that’s how we are doing this? Gloves are off buddy. You are going down this time. But wait. He had what I didn’t. Both Lia, and a self-respect perfectly intact.

And thus I had to be the one who’d be playing nice.

“Rohit, you’re a smart guy. You can get many more girls than you could count. Please let this one go. I need her. And if there’s any chance that I get her back, I will take it. Please let me have her. I really love her.”

“Okay, but if she doesn’t want to be with you?”

“That’s highly impossible.” I said, proud of my confidence.

“You can’t say that. You don’t know what she wants.”

“You let me worry of that Rohit. I beg of you. Let me have her please.”

“Okay, well let’s see what can be done.” He said, bringing our nice little conversation to an abrupt end.

This was someone who came into the picture not more than a fortnight back. Yet, he managed to give me nightmares enough to send shivers down the spine.

A guy whose name was unheard of not long back had managed to make a guy beg him down on his knees. Self-respect, dignity, and pride were out of the window. Idea of carrying an ego was in a way, funny, to say the least.

But then it was all for Lia.

Oh fuck it. I could not stoop down any lower. And better late than never, I realized it nonetheless.

Feeling insulted, humiliated, and mocked, the reality seemed like a harsh joke.

A bit of butter-paper and dope was the answer now.

Alcohol made me happy as it made me forget the present.

Marijuana made me happier as it made me see reality and yet gave me enough strength to laugh at it, and laugh hard.