Saturday, 12 July 2014

Chapter 32: End of a chapter is not the end of the book...



Yes. That’s where it ended… the chapter of Lia.
George had freed me from my conscious. When the day dawned, there were no regrets. No tears or cuss even, for the one that got away.
I knew in this moment I wasn’t loving Lia all this while to pursue her. It was the guilt set in of not being by her side. But she had made good decisions for herself, whatever she chose.
It was a new morning for me. Relentlessly calm, tranquil yet raucous. I could be anyone. Anything from here on.
And yes. Lia was a closed chapter. My book, was however far from over. The story goes on, in search of a life worth living, making every day, every moment historic.
I was an image now, of a philanderer, shadows of the past clinging on for the world to see. But the change had been set in motion now.
I wasn’t the same anymore. No one could be. Time swiped all the pain in its tides, taking along with it ways to fill that gaping hole, leaving me with just reasons to look ahead.
To live, to love, to find the one, the one whom there is none better than.


Signing off folks…


Monday, 7 July 2014

Chapter 31: And so it happened




Opposite of love isn’t hatred, but indifference. For a simple reason too. You love someone, your days go in thinking about that one person. You hate someone, and time flies by, despising them. In either ways, doorway to our world is shut to everyone else.
A smile is powerful. Realizing that upon losing mine, it was a lesson well learnt.
Although too soon to say that I was happy, it was a start, for an effort to not put myself down anymore.
Several failed attempts and I had chosen wisely to not give up and keep trying.
Curtains were slowly drawing on this story of Lia. But yet, they weren’t just about closing!
Pivotal points of life are crucial in just our heads more often than not. And I was, for now past all those crucial make it or break it situations.
I needed a break. And life was just seeming to get back to normal.
No I would never forget Lia. She was that person who paused time for me by doing nothing more than simply walking by my side. She also was the one who made me wish I was dead. No I would never forget her, but that doesn’t mean I’d love her forever.
Although, no hope, a feeling lot like love still had its place in my heart which was slowly but surely diminishing by the day. Nevertheless, at this moment, it was still there, the light, flickering but not extinguished.
••



Starting to enjoy company of friends, the outings were more common than they ever had been since years now. What was not common was what was to happen.
An evening like any other, the tides were turning into my favor now, when I opened the door to the bell rung by someone talking to whom had been next to rare since the ‘final breakup’ with Lia.
George.
Why do we let the end of one relation end all the ones that had strings connected with the one gone sour? Because more often than naught they remind us of a world of pain which was hard enough to get out off to begin with. These ties could pull you right back in the time warp. Or so I feared.
“Hi George. Long time! How have you been?”
“I am doing just fine buddy. How are you? Jeanette and I were bothered about you.”
“Why?”
“Well you were the one deeper in love” Janette chipped in.
“Nah. Those are things of the past. So how are you both doing? And hey how’s Lia?”
Their eyes back to that blasé gaze.
“Don’t worry I’m not in love with her. It was she who turned her back to love. The one who broke all faiths this time” I said, hoping I don’t flow in the emotions.
“You got that right... All faiths.” Dejected, George replied.
“What do you mean?”
“No nothing. You really wanted this to work out. Didn’t you?”  Asked George.
“Nope. That’s what we wanted. That’s why I making out with Soundarya didn’t faze her confidence in me, and her kissing Rohit was barely a concern to me.”
“They did more than just kiss you know” he murmured.
“Doesn’t matter!” I snapped back. The way I had when Rohit spoke of her this way.
“It does Suraj! She didn’t just break your faith. She battered ours as well! You think she’s single now? You think so buddy? No. She’s with someone else now. And that someone is the one nemesis I’ve ever had. She knew of it since day one of our friendship. And she won’t tell us. I read her messages call it luck or the other way around. I wouldn’t tell you what those messages were or sleep would delude you. All I can however say is that those messages were not of friendships.”
My heart beat sinking, my fingers intertwined hard enough to break each other now, I gestured Jeanette to not stop George.
“Yes Suraj. She is sleeping with someone else. And she too is way past this "Relationships" stuff. What does it tell you?”
This wasn’t unreal. I was smiling, and there were no tears. This was happening. George in his boyish way had given me an elixir for life, another shot at it.



Thursday, 3 July 2014

Chapter 30: Living out of the flashback... Now, Living.



Aleena sat there, all this while, listening to my story.
We had just spoken for a good seven hours straight, and mall was nearing its closing time now. Well, I had done the speaking part more.
Her eyes wet, my throat choking, all the tries to have a determined face went straight out of the window just as she held my hand.
There was just one thing left to be done here. I was done apologizing to the people who did not care for one. Aleena did, and that’s what she got.
“Aleena… I’m sorry I wasn’t in touch with you all this time. And I’m sorry that I spoke to you rudely, telling you things of all sorts like I’ve found someone I can love more than you. I’m not sorry I was in love, and not at all sorry that I was, with her. She gave me a lesson I would not give up for my life. Yet I’m sorry I let you go. You were really someone I wish I had held on to. I loved you beyond crazy, and you knew me more than many of the people I have around me all the while. And yet we were just friends and that never hurt. I’m sorry for all the time I might have hurt you. Yes you never seem to be hurt by anything I do, and I never felt like a part of your life, but you were, of mine. And you made it easy to live through it all. Two years of my horrible jokes, you never gave up, neither on them, nor on me. And I gave up on you when you did not call for a few months. Maybe that was only for the reason I felt you did not need me ever, or rather not at all anymore. Yes at times you do make me feel that things that I do don’t matter to you at all, but the next moment you make me feel wanted yet again.
Aleena you asked me why I did not call you when I went through all this. The reason was simple. I did not have you around when I had all the happiness in the world to share. I did not deserve you around when all I had was just sorrow and pain. I’m sorry for both.”
“I’ll be by your side now Suraj.” Aleena said, giving me another tight hug.
I knew I had my once upon a time best friend back with me. Maybe this was luck shining back on my side.


Tuesday, 1 July 2014

Chapter 29: It... Is over Lia.


As if the pain of the first breakup wasn’t bad enough, second breakup, with the same girl!
It wasn’t that long that we once again were repeating the same drama.
Her avoiding me, and I being bad with clues as always.
“Hey! I thought we were going to stay friends. Are you really that busy again?” I said over the phone.
“Yes. Sorry I got to go.” She said hanging up
Only this time, I gave up trying in just a matter of eight or nine days, the days it took to figure out what was going on, or rather for choking the faith that was choking me up until now
Living life with my pack of weed and bottle of beer, I knew the only way out was to move on.